Getting caught in holiday “should storms”
It seems like this time of year can bring a mix of emotions—fun, excitement, stress, magic, frustration, joy... What am I forgetting?
I think it’s safe to say that no matter what feelings arise, comparison and self-judgement or what I like to say — “shoulding” on ourselves — often creep in. As my family plans our holiday traditions, I noticed a “should storm” started brewing in my head:
"We should send out holiday cards!"
"We should make those cute snowman cookies I saw on Instagram!”
"We should volunteer during the holidays to give back!”
"I should be able to make all of this happen without feeling stressed!"
“Shoulding” on ourselves often stems from societal pressure, comparison to others, or our own high (unrealistic) expectations. All of which can be overwhelming and ultimately unhelpful — leading to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, or frustration. And, making this time of year feel like the exact opposite of the “hap-happiest season of all.”
I’ve noticed that when I catch myself “shoulding” on myself, I see how often these thoughts sneak in—like little whispers pushing me to do more or be better. Whether it’s “I should be more organized” or “I should have more decorations up!” these thoughts often come from comparison, societal pressure, or my own perfectionism.
Sometimes the “shoulds” can be useful. I mean, it is true — I do want to be more organized (how long can I blame our move for not being organized??).
What’s been really helpful for me has been catching myself in those moments and gently questioning whether the “should” is actually helping me (is it something I truly want to do?) or is it just adding unnecessary pressure?
If it’s adding unnecessary pressure, instead of thinking, "Everything should be done perfectly," I remind myself, “It’s okay if the house is half decorated,” or, "The best parts of the season truly come from being present, not the checklist." That small shift in perspective makes a massive difference, helping me to let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace the season with more compassion and a little less stress.
The holiday season does not have to be perfect. Embrace the imperfections and lean into presence because that’s where the real magic happens. Find what works for you and your family, and give yourself the grace to enjoy the moment—even when things aren’t “perfect.”
And remember, compassion for yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give this season.
With gratitude,
Emily
