The words we say to children become their self talk as adults.

As parents, caregivers, and teachers, we often find ourselves amused by the innocent and enthusiastic commentary of toddlers. Recently, I noticed my 2-year-old narrating every action my husband made while getting ready for work: "Daddy put socks on. Daddy put work boots on! Daddy put coat on!"

At first, it seemed like just a sweet, Morgan Freeman-style commentary. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there was something deeply significant behind this behavior.

When toddlers narrate what they see, they are engaging in a natural and essential part of their cognitive and language development. This narration is not just about repeating words—they’re actively processing and making sense of the world around them. Let’s break down why this is such an important developmental milestone.

At this stage, toddlers are trying to make sense of their environment. By narrating actions, they are organizing their thoughts and understanding how things work. According to Lev Vygotsky, language is not just a tool for communication but also for thinking. For toddlers, narrating what’s happening around them helps structure their thoughts and turn those observations into knowledge.

The language we use with children shapes their self-perception and confidence.

When toddlers use words to narrate actions around them, they are building their own language skills and self-expression. This form of self-talk helps them develop a positive self-concept, which will carry through into their later years. The more they speak, the more confident they become in their ability to communicate. Positive, supportive language helps build a healthy self-concept and reinforces their growing sense of confidence.

As a parent, it’s essential to be mindful of the language I use around my son because it can shape his inner dialogue. For example, when I say, "That was helpful, Char!" and he repeats it, he's not just parroting words—he's internalizing those words and forming part of his self-talk. What we say to children, whether it’s praise, encouragement, or even a casual comment, is creating a foundation for how they talk to themselves later in life.

Mindful communication influences family dynamics —words and tone matter.

The impact of mindful communication extends beyond just how we speak to our toddlers. The way we speak to each other within the family also influences children. When siblings, partners, and extended family members use respectful, encouraging language, children learn to mirror those behaviors in their own communication. If they witness thoughtful, kind conversations, they are more likely to adopt those practices themselves.

For example, when my husband says to me, “I appreciate you making dinner,” or gives me a hug when I’m sad and says, “I love you”— my son is learning empathy and gratitude—values we hope he will carry into adulthood. It's important to create a family environment where values are reflected not just in actions but also in the words we use.

By consciously choosing our words and tone, we not only guide our children's language development and influence how they express themselves — we also lay the foundation for healthy self-talk that will guide them throughout their lives.